In my opinion, I’ve had some strange reactions when telling people about this trip. There are really only about four categories of reactions I get to the news. “Where you are going?” obviously being the most common and not a strange reaction. Sometimes I wish I just had a shirt with my plans on it so I could just point instead of going through the full list. Plus, with that one, people might have some contacts for me to stay with in a foreign country.
The strange responses almost all start with, “I’m jealous (or that’s incredible). I’ve always wanted to do something like that...“ and then break into a three categories from there. The most common next line is some reason why they can’t, “but I don’t have the guts (or “you’re doing this on your own. You’re braver than I”)”, “but there’s no way I could get enough money to do it. You must be rich (or somehow ran into the money)”, “but I’m too old/settled down/have kids/etc (or “this is the perfect time to do this and get it out of the way - while you’re young and unattached or settled down”)”.
These are all strange responses to me. If one is truly jealous and not just giving lip service, it implies that they very much want to do what it is you’re doing. When a person wants something, they make it happen. Qualifying the statement with, “I want to do that, but...”, means that only wish that it would happen. There is a subtle, but huge, difference of which I’ll save for another post. For now, suffice to say, if you truly want to do something similar and these are what is stopping you, then read the following from my experience.
Let me address my least favorite response first - tied down/didn’t get it out of the way when young and now can’t. First off, this is a shitty excuse not to go. I have married friends who sold their house and have been traveling for almost a year. I know people’s parents who decided that they were going to do some long term travel, even longer than me in fact. Are they retired? No, they will have to figure out work when they get done. A friend of mine has a close friend whose dream it was to take their kid to South America for 8 months. Her husband stayed behind because he understood her dream. They are planning to do a long trip as a family now. Not too mention the countless personal travel stories from people who thought they were too tied down and couldn’t. There really is nothing as far as age, significant others, careers, kids, etc. that can hold you back (that is, unless you are literally tied down, in which you have bigger problems). Stupider people than you with the exact “tied down” situation have done it successfully, so it is possible for you to make long term travel possible. You’re scared and I’ll address your fear.
I understand, and agree, that traveling while your young is better (mainly health and fitness reasons), but what bothers me the most about this response, is the “getting it out of the way”. What this is actually saying is that they don’t really approve of what I’m doing, and to justify or comprehend it they must frame it in a way of a fad - “he’ll get it out of his system”. Granted, this will be first long term endeavor, but I have a hard time envisioning myself coming back and going, “that was amazing, I never want to do that again”. I love to travel. I love to ski. Saying this is equivalent to saying “after he goes skiing this one time, he’ll get it out of his system”. Obviously, that’s not the case. When you love something, you continue doing it as much as possible the rest of you life. And no, a week here and there somewhere as vacation from work will not cut it. Binge travel (a week or two vacation somewhere) is so completely different than long term travel on so many levels it they shouldn’t share the word travel.
I read somewhere that people might inadvertently take offense to you fulfilling a dream, especially long term travel such as this. It could be that they are, in fact, envious because they are too afraid to fulfill a dream. In which case, you doing it may seem like a slap in their face. It could be that they feel that I am off the path of the American conveyor belt life. The conveyor belt being something along the lines of, high school, college, career, marriage, kids, retirement, then fun. That’s a pretty basic description and some can be moved around in a different order, but if you look around I’m sure you can find some people that have adhered strictly to it. It’s an idea that has been ingrained into us so it’s understandable why we have this belt. Society pushes this idea; hard. Those that subscribe to it or that unwittingly follow it, push it very hard, find it offensive if you break it, and defend it with much rigor when it’s challenged. It’s as if I’m making some grand statement about the life that they choose to live or felt they had to follow to be happy. I’m not using the trip as a political statement. It’s a dream of mine, period. I promise that if any of you want to fulfill a dream, I will support you with my whole heart. In any case, it’s likely that after I’m done with this trip, I’ll continue to do as many similar trips as I can till I die, so please don’t brush this off as a “wild hair I need to pluck”.
You don’t have enough money to travel for more than a week a year? I understand there are about a thousand different financial situations out there. Thinking your situation is unique though is a mistake. There are very few of these situations that are bad enough that they can stop you from long term travel if that is your dream. Might you have to re-think how you’ll do it? Sure. You might not be able to do luxury hotels and fly everywhere or you might have to limit yourself to third world countries to stretch the dollar. It’s a compromise but you’ll realize your dream. Am I compromising? Yes. I can’t afford to pay for hotels and adventure tours everywhere. I have to be very dollar conscious. I also don’t know if my money will stretch into a full year, but I’m going to try. Not to mention that making your dollar stretch will make you connect with the world better. You’ll be taking transportation that the everyday people of that country take. You’ll be living in conditions that may be way lower than you’d like. There’ll be times when you will be required to get help from an average person of that country because you can’t pay for a guide or concierge. Conversing and interacting with people from the place you are visiting is the most important part of travel, and hell, they might invite you into their homes for dinner or to stay the night. All this will undoubtedly make you gain an appreciation for the people and culture of that country and, gasp, gain some perspective on yourself.
In any case, if money is your only excuse for not going, let me ask you this - is it possible for you to save $100 dollars a week? I think that is a pretty reasonable amount, especially if you make saving for a life changing adventure a priority. At the end of a year you’ll have $5,200. If you save that much money you can live like a king for about 6 month’s in SE Asia (250 days to a year if you stretch your dollar). That doesn’t sound too bad now does it?
Yes, for some people, being in debt (i.e. owning large things like houses or cars) comes into play. The thing is, there are ways to make this work even if you are totally unwilling to sell you house or car. What about a job? Again, there are ways around that too. I don’t want to get too side tracked, and if you can’t figure out some on your own, you’ll just have to live in suspense for now.
Don’t have the cajones? I’m intimidated as fuck. You don’t think that I have HUGE concerns about this? I’m scared and I’ll admit it. I’m scared that I’ll get mugged and left in the middle of nowhere. I’m scared of shitting in a maggot filled hole. I’m scared of getting ripped off. I’m scared of getting lost. I’m scared of getting homesick. I’m scared of not being able to communicate. I’m scared of getting sick (as simple as food poisoning to as serious as malaria) in a foreign country.
What really helped me was coming up with the worst case scenario. Dying or getting severely injured or sick are obvious concerns, but using them as a worst case scenario isn’t very productive because they are worst case scenarios for every decision. Besides, they are just as likely to happen here in Seattle as abroad. For me, it is getting mugged and having everything stolen. In which case, I wouldn’t have my passport or identification and no idea how to get a replacement, not having any way to get cash, being injured and not near a suitable hospital, not being able to speak to anyone and no way to get a hold of anyone back home for help. The thing is, when I write it down it isn’t as scary anymore. Maybe it’s because it isn’t abstract anymore. Maybe it’s because when I read it, it seems a little ridiculous. Maybe it’s because it’s the worst case scenario and therefore the least likely scenario. Maybe it’s all of those reasons. If I’m still concerned about the worst thing that could happen, because it’s no longer abstract, I can take precautions to help make it even less likely to happen. Things such as not putting all eggs in one basket, using common sense and being aware of surroundings, keeping backups of important things, etc.
One thing that is good about that fear is that it is usually a good character barometer. Being scared of doing something (other than physically dangerous activities) often times means that’s the exact thing that we need to do. Otherwise we’ll never get out of our comfort bubble. Getting out of that bubble builds character, opens doors that may have been unknown or forgotten, and builds confidence and ultimately happiness. In addition to writing down the worst case scenario, the ultimate way of overcoming the fear is to commit to the trip. One of my favorite quotes is, “The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life” Anne Morris. If you really want to do long term travel, buy a one way ticket to start. It forces your hand. It not only forces you to start saving and stop making excuses, but those big fears that were stopping you seem to just go away. Trust me.
I’ll leave you with one more of my favorite quotes, “if you don’t do it this year, you’ll be one year older when you do” Warren Miller
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