Looks Like I Fibbed About Writing More

Sorry, I mentioned that I would be writing more than once a month. Looks like that was a bit of a fib. It's not that I don't want to write more. I have several topics that I'd like to write about such as the over-value of western educational methods, causation and connection (spiritual), home buying vs. renting, and so on.

The thing is that I've been busy. When I started working at Zoka, I thought I'd have time to read, write, and work. That was not exactly the case.
One would think with Zoka only giving me 10-15 of the 20-25 hours they promised me, that I'd have an over abundance of time to write. However, there's the other things on my plate. Lets start with the spiritual stuff. 

As I mentioned in other posts, I was trying to find some Taoist things (and Reiki), to learn. I am reading a really well written Feng Shui book called A Master Course in Feng-Shui, by Eva Wong, and it is a TEXT BOOK. I'm taking classes in Qigong once a week for a couple hours, but because I don't have any money, I am doing a work trade for the instructor. He wants to meet once a week to talk about things he wants me to work on. The thing is, he's kinda spacey and so the meetings last way too long, and he isn't clear on what he wants so the things I do take longer than they should. The main thing I'm doing for him is trying to organize his social media, so that I can more effectively market him and drive more business to his school. He's not willing to pay for advertising (mainly cause I don't think he has the sufficient capital to) so it limits what I can do for him. All in all, I'm spending about five hours a week on his stuff. Eventually, I also want to take Reiki and Tai Chi. Oh, and my search for a Reiki teacher has been fruitless thus far.
The next thing is work. In January till about 10 days ago, I was working on trying to start a business when I wasn't being a barista at Zoka. Surprisingly, or not, it is a tremendous amount of work starting a business from scratch. I was spending around 8 hours on that a day (maybe I'll write a post on the insanity of starting a business. Hopefully, it will be from the perspective of a successful (subjective) enterprise) I'm going to be vague about stuff so bear with me. Anyway, that was kinda put on hold for the moment for two reasons. The main business ideas I have are resellers. Meaning, I'm not making my own product. I'd be taking someone else's product, say Nike, and selling it for them. It's ecommerce retail if that helps. However, the idea I had to begin with has been growing and growing and growing. The reason being that I originally wanted to sell customization kits that involved about 10 products. Well, then I looked at it and it didn't make sense to not sell some other things along with it so that customers didn't go to a competitor and say, well if I have to buy this from them, why not buy everything from them even though they don't offer it in a neat easy package. Well, my ultimate goal is not to be slaving away 40 hours a week with this and having more wholesalers or manufacturers to deal with probably means just that. The major time consumer I was hoping would be the website stuff, contracts, later on growth, then smooth sailing with a mostly automated system, but this was beginning to look like adding in a major time consumer of service. It freaked me out a little, so I went back to my drawing board (the The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich (Expanded and Updated)). Essentially, I had gotten way off track. I had skipped an entire step about market testing, just to start with, but because of the where I was headed, was going to loose any hopes of niche markets. I do have one idea that is so niche that it doesn't have a print market around it yet. So, I started to think about that instead, which isn't too bad since I haven't gone too far that I burned a bunch of money. So, I've been debating and procrastinating. Also, I don't have a job now.
Well, if you've been following FB, you'd know that after I asked my boss for the rest of the hours I was promised to begin with, they decided to let me go. The reasons they gave me were that I was too inexperienced (though they acknowledged that when they hired me) and not performing at the Zoka expected level. Their reasons are false given their actions. They asked if I could work the weekend following my dismissal and if I'd be interested in being available for any shifts that needed to be covered the following week. Also, aside from the fact that I was insufficiently trained and only getting 10+ hours a week, which is not enough for a quick learning curve, the hours I did work were always during the busiest times. Those aren't the actions of an employer who thinks you can't perform well.
My theory is that, being as poorly organised as they are, hired me thinking they could give me the hours I wanted. They said training would be three months at those hours (in reality it was about 15 hours, or one work week), however they never finished training me before letting me go. They had hired someone else at almost exactly the same time as me and she was getting the hours I requested while I was getting what was kinda filler. I think they realized that they screwed up, but figured as long as I didn't say anything that I was OK with it. Eventually, I had to ask what was up, and they knew they couldn't keep me on. A couple friends of mine, one who was a co-owner of a deli (Dana) and one who is a manager of a coffee shop (Ann), felt that Zoka hired me as seasonal and never really intended on keeping me. I don't know the real answer, but in the end it doesn't really matter.
I don't harbor any resentment for it. I'm not sure I could. The store manager (the one who hired me), was always stressed out of her mind to the brink of being disheveled. The store seemed to not have any sort of management. So much so that I stopped listening to anything that was said because it was insanity. One day doing the same exact thing would get me praise and the next a reprimand (I'd probably have fared better if I remembered to put caps on pens). The only way to keep any semblance of sanity was to adopt not giving a shit about anything. I do know I always got good tips, so at least the customers thought I was doing a good job. So really, I'm just carrying over the not caring or being surprised about crazy shit to this situation. I feel sad for them that they felt they needed to hide any intent or not be upfront with me about what was on their minds. That's a lot of negative energy they were using, which is just too bad for them and unnecessary.
Anyway, I thought I was fine cause Ann offered me a job. However, that fell through the day before I was supposed to come on cause the owner wanted to wait a little while to see if the current staffing could suffice. The back story there is that they've had a 40% growth in sales from last year (7% would be considered huge), and my friend knows that they need to bring on another person during certain times. The owner is gambling that sales won't drop too much due to customer frustration in wait times and service quality, and with that much growth he probably wouldn't miss a few %. So, now I'm back to beginning the job hunt. Everybody knows how much time during your day that takes.
I think this was supposed to happen though. I think this is to test my resolve. To test if what I learned and how much I grew out there in the real world has actually become sown into me or if it was just talk. That's a bit confusing if you aren't in my head so I'll explain. Now that I lost my job and the other fell through I'm being tested to see if I get worried or if I'm stone cold confident in what I'm doing. To start a business from absolutely scratch, by myself, with no experience, requires a part time job or a shit load of money as to not need a job for a while. Having a full time job will kill that. There is no way to fit starting a company in with a full time job, the time needed to maintain my health (spiritual, mental, and physical), and the time needed to have a meaningful and healthy relationship with Ivy. I've entertained the idea of applying for full time office jobs.
It's difficult to explain, but I intuitively know that if I apply with the Gates Foundation with the real intention of working there (as opposed to just "seeing what happens"), I will be offered a job. That intuition and the paths available before me are a test to see how much what I learned spiritually, I'm willing to throw my weight behind. It's a test of faith. I've never been a man of faith (until my trip) - I've always be the logical, analytically, western empirical evidence, kinda of guy - so this is HUGE for me. Do I gamble on what I learned in one year, something that is hard to even really remember and can be argued by some as just what happens when one wanders about for long enough, or go with my 28 years of what I've been taught? Do I gamble on something that has the potential to give me an amazing life or do I do the "smart thing" and go with the safe choice? Do I offer myself up to grow or do I stagnate with a decent secure life? I know it's not the end of the world if I don't go with the safe choice cause there will be opportunities for stuff later if I'm willing to go after them. It's just, if I don't do this now I am turning my back on everything that has happened in my development over the last year.
I didn't think that I changed that much when I first got home, but as I write this, and all the strong feelings that are coming up, I see that couldn't be farther from the truth. I have changed, and it happened at my very foundation. I did give some of my rational thought for something else. Maybe I was always headed that way. Maybe I was just waiting to be pushed into the rabbit hole (thank you Terrence). So maybe it was inevitable that I would be who I am today, eventually. Maybe. Who can really say? Who really cares anyway? That's the case. We are always testing ourselves. Most of the time we are unaware, until something re-sensitizes us. This is becoming a topic for another post I'm working on, so I'll wrap this digression up with, there is a higher purpose for each of us, but it isn't from some supreme being or the universe or whatever. It is from ourselves. We all have within us, the ability to walk the paths to achieve the greatest of things. Can you see the path when it is there? Are you brave enough to walk it?

To just wrap the whole article up, each post takes a few to several hours to write and with looking for a new job, trying to get the business thing back on track, classes, health maintenance, working for that teacher, and home life with Ivy, there isn't much time to write. I'm sorry for that and it will happen, but for now, don't expect me to write frequently.
Take care of yourselves,
D Rock