Well, who would have thought it possible? I am speaking of course about the fact that I now have a girlfriend; Ivy. As any romantic story goes, I met a girl who is different from the other girls I've dated. I technically met Ivy on St. Patty's day at Lenys, but had been scoping her out quite a bit on the bus for months prior. Then, after a few times flirting on the bus, we saw each other during lunch. She, of course, imposed herself on me. After she wouldn't leave me alone, I felt obliged to ask her out. 9 or 10 weeks of dating later, I realized that I had strong feelings for her, and could tell she did to, so I asked her to be my girlfriend.
But Dylan, you're going on a trip soon and blah blah blah. Yes, I am aware of all that. There are couple main reasons why I am ok with it, one being my past history in the dating realm and the other being that “choosing” to have feelings for someone isn’t really in our control.
Let me start with the tale of my romantic life, with as little detail as possible. Once upon a time I was with a girl named Anna for almost 6 years. This relationship happened early in my life and, quite frankly, I wasn't mature enough for such a relationship through most of it. It was a learning experience and since we weren't truly compatible, we are both better off not together. After we broke up, I did immediately date a girl, but in reality it was an emotional crutch to soften the transition of not being with Anna. That obviously didn't last long. From there it was about 9 months until I met a girl whom I dated about a month. That time frame of in-between relationships and the length of relationships was about the norm and lasted for almost 5 years, including two droughts, one of one year, and one of a year and a half. Not to mention that either I liked the girl more than she liked me and then got dumped, or she was not a good match or simply not a good person (things like cheating). So, my track record with the ladies has been less than desirable, at least up until the past year when things started to improve and have steadily done so since.
There were several things that came out of that 5 year period. With the exception of a 2 week period in the middle, there was 2 and a half year period where I was single. I also lived alone in LFP, which is not bustling with people my age. Since I was virtually isolated and alone for that time, it made me self reliant, fiercely independent, and comfortable with being alone. Granted that at the time I hated it, but it made me a much stronger person who knows himself and is comfortable with who he is, and I am glad I had to go through it.
Another thing it taught me was seize romantic opportunities when they present themselves. Never knowing when the next opportunity can come along, always take the chance. I guess you could take this in the sense of one night stands (and that'd be fair advice), but the purpose of this advice is less about using someone for physical needs and more about finding someone with whom there is a deeper connection. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it might end up being only one night because of circumstance, but the goal isn't. Anyway, take every chance you get, cause, "hey, you never know".
Ok, now for my second point. I didn't meet her and think, "I'm going to get very involved with her and then break her heart". Originally, we just talked and flirted a bit, but things just happen when you find someone that blows our hair back. That’s not to say there aren’t some things that I wish were different. One, that I find a girl that I am really excited to be with and I have to leave in 3 months. Yes, I HAVE to leave, this trip is bigger than us, her, and me. Two, I feel like a complete asshole because I feel like, to some degree, that I am stringing her along. Don't get me wrong, I told her about my plans. I still feel like if I'm a good boyfriend, that she'll get heavily invested in me and then I'll just bail on her and break her heart. Oh, and we aren't staying together when I take off - by her order - which is also the right thing to do for both of us. The point is, even though it sucks, we really don't choose who to have feelings for.
In the end, what ultimately matters is that we like each other and that we are open and honest with each other; in general and about this upcoming adventure. Sure, it sucks if you think about the future because you automatically start making assumptions and expectations that aren’t necessarily the case. It helps to break down the unknown into best/worst case scenarios. Worst case scenario, we get our hearts a little broken. However, if we let it, it can serve as an exercise of living in the moment, enjoy the shit out of and learn a lot from each other, and realize that even the things that hurt - like broken hearts - don't have to be negative cause they are reminders that we are ALIVE and can still feel that strongly.
If you'd like to see pictures, they are on my facebook. If you can't see them leave a comment or send me an email.
But Dylan, you're going on a trip soon and blah blah blah. Yes, I am aware of all that. There are couple main reasons why I am ok with it, one being my past history in the dating realm and the other being that “choosing” to have feelings for someone isn’t really in our control.
Let me start with the tale of my romantic life, with as little detail as possible. Once upon a time I was with a girl named Anna for almost 6 years. This relationship happened early in my life and, quite frankly, I wasn't mature enough for such a relationship through most of it. It was a learning experience and since we weren't truly compatible, we are both better off not together. After we broke up, I did immediately date a girl, but in reality it was an emotional crutch to soften the transition of not being with Anna. That obviously didn't last long. From there it was about 9 months until I met a girl whom I dated about a month. That time frame of in-between relationships and the length of relationships was about the norm and lasted for almost 5 years, including two droughts, one of one year, and one of a year and a half. Not to mention that either I liked the girl more than she liked me and then got dumped, or she was not a good match or simply not a good person (things like cheating). So, my track record with the ladies has been less than desirable, at least up until the past year when things started to improve and have steadily done so since.
There were several things that came out of that 5 year period. With the exception of a 2 week period in the middle, there was 2 and a half year period where I was single. I also lived alone in LFP, which is not bustling with people my age. Since I was virtually isolated and alone for that time, it made me self reliant, fiercely independent, and comfortable with being alone. Granted that at the time I hated it, but it made me a much stronger person who knows himself and is comfortable with who he is, and I am glad I had to go through it.
Another thing it taught me was seize romantic opportunities when they present themselves. Never knowing when the next opportunity can come along, always take the chance. I guess you could take this in the sense of one night stands (and that'd be fair advice), but the purpose of this advice is less about using someone for physical needs and more about finding someone with whom there is a deeper connection. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it might end up being only one night because of circumstance, but the goal isn't. Anyway, take every chance you get, cause, "hey, you never know".
Ok, now for my second point. I didn't meet her and think, "I'm going to get very involved with her and then break her heart". Originally, we just talked and flirted a bit, but things just happen when you find someone that blows our hair back. That’s not to say there aren’t some things that I wish were different. One, that I find a girl that I am really excited to be with and I have to leave in 3 months. Yes, I HAVE to leave, this trip is bigger than us, her, and me. Two, I feel like a complete asshole because I feel like, to some degree, that I am stringing her along. Don't get me wrong, I told her about my plans. I still feel like if I'm a good boyfriend, that she'll get heavily invested in me and then I'll just bail on her and break her heart. Oh, and we aren't staying together when I take off - by her order - which is also the right thing to do for both of us. The point is, even though it sucks, we really don't choose who to have feelings for.
In the end, what ultimately matters is that we like each other and that we are open and honest with each other; in general and about this upcoming adventure. Sure, it sucks if you think about the future because you automatically start making assumptions and expectations that aren’t necessarily the case. It helps to break down the unknown into best/worst case scenarios. Worst case scenario, we get our hearts a little broken. However, if we let it, it can serve as an exercise of living in the moment, enjoy the shit out of and learn a lot from each other, and realize that even the things that hurt - like broken hearts - don't have to be negative cause they are reminders that we are ALIVE and can still feel that strongly.
If you'd like to see pictures, they are on my facebook. If you can't see them leave a comment or send me an email.
No comments:
Post a Comment